he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
where are you?
Hypothermia
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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