I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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