Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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