was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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