My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
