So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
