I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
