i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
