this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize