So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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