I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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