Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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