I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
