Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
