were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
