I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
