once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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