Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize