I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize