I'm pants shitting drunk right now
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
