ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
