i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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