i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
