they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
