thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
