Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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