im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize