i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
