i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
