just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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