Four minutes until I can fart!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
