paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so much tequila, so little girl.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
