i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
