So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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