I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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