you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
