left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
