i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
