some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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