i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
