I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
