I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
