Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
only if we run a train.
done.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Houston, we have a squirter
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
