an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
