His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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