I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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