I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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