He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
