I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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