Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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