drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
