ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
