we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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