i permit you to call me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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