That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
