Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
