let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i think i have two assholes
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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