How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
