I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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