i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
