youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so let's talk penis.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
