I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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