This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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