i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
