you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
