I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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