I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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