Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
