i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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