I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
