somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize